chantalrosie:

unraveled-sarcasm:

ironychan:

tazerbitchinheels:

This is disgusting. I love it.

I can just imagine his wife yelling at him “YOU COCKY LITTLE SHIT!”

Is he wearing a blazer over a leather jacket?

hahahahahhaa. he is. new style. catch on guys.

He probably showed up and the awards people were like “Mr Downey, this is a formal event. I’m afraid that we cannot allow you in unless you put this on” so RDJ nods, takes the blazer that they give him, and looks them dead in the eyes as he puts it on OVERTOP OF HIS JACKET and smirks as he swaggers through the door.



sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.



raynebowgearz:

angrycinnabun:

krudman:

the-average-gatsby:

thanks joffrey

What a great message. I wish all characters were this nice. Does anyone know what this is from?

wow what a really nice character

I’m reaaaally hoping those are sarcastic.





tyleroakley:

This Southwest Airlines flight attendant is kind of perfect.



the-time-goddess-of-221b:

smoochlock:

so my mum told me that as a kid she would peel an apple and throw the peel over her shoulder, and the peel would take the shape of the first letter of her future spouse. naturally, i decided to do it and

image

i’m fucking crying 

it says ‘no.’

it literally says NO.

oh my god



overlordofthelollipopguild:

mischiefmagicandmayhem:

febricant:

natreidess:

lbrossoit:

Well he missed a pretty god damn big one didn’t he

u fucked up, Tony
u fucked up big time

you had one job, Tony

what if he did find it though?
what if after the avengers, he just archived the data, fully intending to look at it all later, and then kind of forgot about it because he was too busy trying to tinker his trauma away?
what if after iron man 3 he got bored one day, went through his data banks, found all this damning evidence, and figured it out?
what if he found out during winter soldier and tried to contact someone, but steve and natasha were already underground, fury was faking the dead, hill was with fury, coulson and his team were being held hostage on the plane, clint was nowhere to be found, thor was in asgard, and bruce was on vacation in hawaii?
what if he couldn’t do anything about it because he’d gotten rid of all the suits?
what if he was building one from his old files and going to try to do something about it, but then jarvis brought up the news and all he could do was sit there and watch the helicarriers fall because as good as his tech was, it still couldn’t finish the armor fast enough for him to help?
what if he knew but he couldn’t do a thing to fix it?

overlordofthelollipopguild:

mischiefmagicandmayhem:

febricant:

natreidess:

lbrossoit:

Well he missed a pretty god damn big one didn’t he

u fucked up, Tony

u fucked up big time

you had one job, Tony

what if he did find it though?

what if after the avengers, he just archived the data, fully intending to look at it all later, and then kind of forgot about it because he was too busy trying to tinker his trauma away?

what if after iron man 3 he got bored one day, went through his data banks, found all this damning evidence, and figured it out?

what if he found out during winter soldier and tried to contact someone, but steve and natasha were already underground, fury was faking the dead, hill was with fury, coulson and his team were being held hostage on the plane, clint was nowhere to be found, thor was in asgard, and bruce was on vacation in hawaii?

what if he couldn’t do anything about it because he’d gotten rid of all the suits?

what if he was building one from his old files and going to try to do something about it, but then jarvis brought up the news and all he could do was sit there and watch the helicarriers fall because as good as his tech was, it still couldn’t finish the armor fast enough for him to help?

what if he knew but he couldn’t do a thing to fix it?

image



3k626ekful7ozxujar43keiw236in2h:

hoodbypussy:

Évolution inversée

at first i was really confused bc I thought it was supposed to be a painting of him when he was 14 years old





pablo-is-love:

edwardspoonhands:

thepopeofmope:

purpleyin:

The most amusing thing is this IS exactly how the BBC report on practically everything.

It’s ALWAYS like this and it makes me furious.

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

HE’S EVEN GOT THE TONE OF VOICE I